True love, shmoo love

I had to chuckle when one of my friends wrote about being sucked into Joe Millionaire the other day. I too once fell prey to the reality dating shows, I must admit, with the first season of The Bachelor. I was so totally into it.

This is incredibly embarrassing to admit.

Tim openly scoffed at me, though, you’ll be happy to know. I was so convinced that the guy (jeez, can’t even remember his name. Someone needs to fire their publicist…) and the girl he picked (Amanda?) were so right for one another! And I was completely indignant when he told the other girl (the current Bachelorette — this is all so complicated) that he was going to pick her. ‘She doesn’t love you!’ I would scream at our poor, beleaguered television. ‘Pick Amanda! Sure, she’s young and inexperienced and a little slutty, but what 30-something Harvard-grad doesn’t want that??’

But now I am wise to these network puppeteers. I will not be sucked in by any more of these reality dating shows. Hell, I didn’t even watch Survivor the past couple of seasons. ‘Oh, they’re eating bugs again? Wow.’

So when Letterman did this hilarious spoof of Osama bin Laden putting out a harsh statement about those misleading sweeps-blinded jerks at Fox stretching out the big finale of Joe Millionaire, I knew it was time to speak the truth: These people do not love each other. I know it is hard to accept. But when I heard that Alex (that’s his name) and Amanda were never really together at all once the show was over, I knew that the whole business was fake.

I mean, if Alex and the girl he chose from 25 other women that he kissed couldn’t make it, who could?

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Tomorrow: Is anybody else thinking that Mimi Smartypants is pregnant?