The view from the fast lane

For the first time in a long while, Auggie and I were caught in rush hour traffic last Friday. Auggie passed out, which was nice. But I was left to my own devices as far as keeping myself entertained, and the old AM radio, while good for traffic reports, is not the giggle-fest I was hoping for.

So when a sedan crept up beside me, I wasn’t surprised by the round Cardinals-logo bumper sticker. I noticed another bumper sticker beside it that, at a glance, seemed to read, ‘Praise the Lord.’ OK, no big deal. This is the Midwest after all, and that’s actually pretty tame, as far as pro-God and all his wrath bumper stickers go. Upon closer inspection, however, it seems that the bumper sticker actually read ‘Braise the Lord.’


And since it was in this funky yellow calligraphy on a maroon background, for a moment, I thought it might even say, ‘Braise the Cord,’ and for a fleeting instant I wondered it the sedan’s occupants might be some of those disturbing people who eat the umbilical cords of their newborns. Nope, it just said ‘Braise the Lord.’

Again, wha..?

So I take a closer look at the other bumper sticker gracing this particular car, and it says, ‘Scoundrel for hire.’ And then! I notice that the vanity plate reads, ‘LUV PIR8’

I’m totally not kidding. I never saw the guy driving (you just know it was a guy), but I almost wish that I had. How long was his mullet? The mind reels…