Another reason to hate the Dead

The mystery of the missing peppermint lip balm is solved! I’ve been scratching my head for two weeks, wondering where my wonderful Whole Foods-brand nectar had made off to. I was pretty sure that Auggie had snagged it off of my dresser, but why couldn’t I find it? I mean, we had every single room on the top floor of our house empty (except the kitchen and bathrooms) and still no lip balm.

So yesterday, I’m fishing around in Auggie’s toy basket in the living room, looking for missing pieces to this wooden puzzle deal, when I see the beloved green stick down at the bottom. Eureka! My lips rejoice!

Sorry, but I get all attached to lip balms. I just recently made the switch from straight Carmex, which has been my constant lip salve since, like, junior high. Major turning point.

Anyway, I’ve been getting strange looks from the people who have come over to see the newly-refinished floors. We have most of the (mismatched) furniture back in our bedroom, yet there is only the lone mattress on the floor. There’s a perfectly logical explanation for this, which of course I will bore you with. (Ugh, how many sentences have I ended with a preposition thus far? Please forgive me, O AP-style gods.)

I think I’ve mentioned (like 100 times) that we’re going to IKEA this Sunday while we’re in Chicago. One of the things we’re salivating over is a new bed. Up to now, we’ve only had our fabulous pillow-top mattress and box springs on a bed frame (let’s see the hands of all those pillow-top believers out there). How ever have we made it this far?? I mean, we’re practically savages! No headboard! Footboard? Not even in our dreams!

Well, most IKEA beds are designed to be used with only a mattress, so we wanted to make sure that our mattress alone would be comfortable enough to preclude buying a new one at IKEA. So far, so good. Plus, Coco is totally loving the low bed that she can hop into willy-nilly. In fact, she disappears for hours at a time, only to wander into the kitchen all bleary-eyed like, ‘Dude, I just had the best nap.’ Much like I was during my freshman year of college.

My, I’ve been so caught up in homicidal fantasies about Inept Kenny that I can’t believe tomorrow is already Thursday! I have a million things to do. Deep breaths… Deep breaths… You would not even believe what Mr. Jerry-is-my-hero-yet-I’m-a-total-capitalist-salesslug tried to pull tonight. You just wouldn’t even believe it. Tim and I have been chuckling to ourselves all evening long, just thinking about it. Suffice it to say that Kenny was treated to quite a bit of salty language on my part tonight. Then I got to call his boss and tell on him.

Neener, neener, neener. I almost said, ‘I’ll have your job!’