Dear fast-food playplace thingies:
Sorry that my son always poops when he is playing in you. Take it as a compliment.
Sorry for testing out the name “Meriweather” the other night. I was half asleep. Still, that’s inexcusable, even as a middle name. Also, sorry for the apple and banana this morning. Now, could you tone down the heartburn just a tad?
Dear Clarence Gilbert (MU basketball stand-out 1998-2002),
Sorry for blaming Missouri’s lackluster season on you and your influence over the players that came after you. I was tired and Tim and I were getting into another of our way-to-deep conversations about MU basketball. I’m sure that you are a very nice person and didn’t mean to poison all those impressionable young players who looked to your selfish play as an example, therefore rendering the team not so much a “team” but a “collection of hot-dog players only in it for themselves.”
Best of luck,