Up until this time last week, we were preparing to move back to Louisville. I was going to go back to work and Tim was going to stay home with the boys. I can’t really go into any details, but suffice to say that all the pieces did not fall into place.
It’s a shame, because it was a golden opportunity, but on the other hand, it’s such a relief to be staying here.
I mean, I love the work that I do. And right now, to be perfectly honest, I’m doing a craptacular job at being both a mom and a writer. Work is busy and, at times, intense. Being a mom is even busier and, most times, intensely intense.
Auggie is at an age where he can be a huge help, or a huge pain in the butt. Most of the time, he is content to play on his own while I’m trying to get something done. But it’s those times when I need to make a phone call or am working on a deadline when he seems to have a sixth-sense that mommy is especially vulnerable. And he can be completely ruthless at those times.
The good thing is that the majority of my work can be done at night after the boys are in bed. This isn’t such a good arrangement for Tim, but it’s only for the next, oh, four years, right?
The thing that really appealed to me about the opportunity in Louisville was the chance to go to an office and focus on my work for eight hours straight. And then, to come home and just be home. Not checking my email constantly, fretting during story time about the projects waiting to be done once the boys are asleep, dropping into bed mentally exhausted every night. And the crippling procrastination!
Plus, I must say that Tim and I were more than a little happy to be leaving our myriad obligations/responsibilities here. Don’t get me wrong, now that we’re staying, we’ve both felt a renewed commitment to these same obligations. But, for a little while, it was fun to think about just being ourselves for a little while. Us, virtually on our own, in a “strange” city with no church/volunteer groups/family to be accountable to… It was exhilarating!
So I guess this has led us to really examine where we spend our time. Are we doing the things we love? I know that I’m asking myself the question that ultimately led us to move here from Louisville five years ago: Am I as happy as I could be?