My mood has taken a definite up-turn today. Despite unresponsive clients and this ever-worsening heartburn/nausea feeling every time I eat, it’s a beautiful day outside. It’s great just hanging out in the backyard with the dogs.

Just thought you might like to know.

OK. That’s it. I, Beth C, respectfully resign my position as pregnant woman. I am officially tired of:

* little weiner dogs who don’t listen to me

* my mother-in-law being a whiny lump

* trying to kneel at church with this huge belly

* August 6 being 5 weeks away

* being so insanely tired all of the time

* nursing bras so big that I can fit them on my whole head

* my crappy collection of maternity shorts

* hot weather that makes me feel even more whale-esque

* this insatiable craving for pancakes

Did I mention that I’m a little cranky?

Did I mention how lucky I am to have the best husband ever to listen to this neverending complaining?

So I just set up my prenatal visit with my doula, Judy for July 17. She said that Tim didn’t have to be there, so we’re going to meet at 11 a.m. She didn’t really say what would go on, so I can only let my imagination run wild. Will she indoctrinate me about what “really” happens during labor and childbirth? Will she read my palm or something? Who knows?

For those of you who haven’t been previously obsessed with pregnancy, a doula is a labor support woman, who, um, will support me (and Tim) during labor. She’s the one who will massage my back if I have tortuous back labor, tell Tim how to rub my feet when the contractions get tough, suggest that I walk around to get gravity going and generally advocate for me and what I want during this baby’s birth. Yay, doula! Ask me how relieved Tim and I are to have someone there who actually knows what she’s doing. Since we’re going to the biggest baby hospital in the area (averaging at least 15 births a day), it will be really great to have someone there with us full-time, since I’m sure everything we learned in the Lamaze classes will be long-gone with the first contraction.

I drove up to 270 today and timed how long it took me to get to the exit for the hospital. With not bad traffic, average speed 65 mph, it took approx. 10 minutes. If we make that drive during the stage of labor that I hope to be at (1-minute contractions 4-5 minutes apart), that means Tim’s life will only be threatened approx. 2 times during the ride. Let’s hope they get that “uneven pavement” thing fixed soon, honey, or it could be worse…

According to doula Judy and my Aunt Angela, the sparkly spots are often a precursor to migraine headaches called an “aura.” Yikes. I haven’t had any of those ever, and lets hope they don’t start now. Judy suggested that perhaps the blood vessels in my brain are doing some adjusting, what with this big ole baby’s increasing blood needs and all.

Did I mention that I’m ready to have my body back? Two people — sure, it’s a miracle and all — is a lot of people to have in one body for 40 weeks.

Sparkly spots happened again last night. Wacky. I wish I knew what was causing them. The bad part was that I was driving at the time, so I tried not to freak out Tim. Once we got to the park (where Tim’s company was having a cook-out dealie), I was going nuts because I couldn’t see peoples’ faces. I kept rubbing my eyes, which of course didn’t help. After about 20 minutes, they went away. I found a good way to describe them, though: you know when your computer monitor gets wet (because you’ve sneezed on it or sprayed it with cleaner or something) and you wipe it and it smears your screen? That’s what I see when the spots are there. Weird shiny pixels. Bizarre.

So right now, I’m working on a newsletter for this Fortune 500 insurance company and none of the people that are supposed to approve articles for me are getting back to me. Do they hate them? Maybe they’re terrible. I can’t write. What was I thinking? The dogs all seemed to like them when I read them out loud! Bookerdog, how could you let me send out this tripe?!

Bookerdog says: Snxxxx…

So the realization just came crashing over me that I’m about to start my last full month of this pregnancy. Wo. While it seems really close in theory, the date “August 6” still sounds pretty far away when you’re still in June. I mean, that’s practically the end of the summer, right? Apparently not.

So here comes July, ready or not.

And here I thought my travails with Dr. Evil Dentist-Man were over! Silly me. I went in for my permanent crown today (which has ended up costing us $280.50 thanks to crappy MetLife dental plan) and the dentist didn’t like the way they finished the porcelain. He was in a much better mood today and I almost felt bad for all of the ire I’ve been carrying around for the past 2 weeks. So I have to go back in 2 weeks again. Yeehaw. I suppose all of this is better than the cracked tooth, right? One would hope.

I’m excited that Tim is trying to work out how we can host this baby on our own server so we can upload some photos and whatnot. Once the baby is here, I’m sure that we’ll have tons of pictures of the little guy to share. Of course, now that our scanner doesn’t work, we may have some problems… Honey?

Doctor’s visit # 291,997 today… I gained another 3 pounds. In 2 weeks. And you know what? I just don’t care anymore. Sure, I probably should not have had that peanut butter cup concrete last night, but dammit, I deserve it! Lugging this baby around is hard work!

I also had the disturbing experience of seeing sparkly spots twice yesterday. My doctor didn’t seem too worried about it, since they weren’t accompanied by headache, facial swelling or abdominal pain, so I guess I won’t worry either.

I was so bad today, though! I left poor Coco outside to fend for herself the entire afternoon! And who is Coco, you ask? Coco is the oldest of our four “miniature” dachshunds. I say “miniature” because they are all over the required mini weight of 11 pounds, but less than the standard weight. As such, they are considered “tweeners.” Cute, huh? Anyway, I got home from the doctor’s visit and Coco was nowhere to be found! Of course, I immediately had, like, 8 heart attacks and went tearing around the house calling, ‘Coco!’ She came bounding up to me, her whole body wagging, and lept into my arms. I then cried tears of joy and fed her many treats for not running away. What kind of mom am I going to be, for God’s sake?

Well, I went and made some changes to the format of the BMPS, we’ll see if Beth likes them or not…

I realized that I haven’t really posted much here about myself, but I’m Beth’s husband, and make my living doing programming for a consulting company. Lately, I’ve been working for a DOD contractor doing lots of HTML, ASP, VB, and Oracle programming. I enjoy what I do for a living, though I know it tends to make other people fall into a dull stupor if I spend more than about 15 seconds talking about what I did at work. It’s an amazing thing really, you see their eyes beginning to glaze over by the time you’ve completed your first sentence. So I probably won’t be talking much about that in here.

I’ve recently turned 30, and am preparing myself for the arrival of our first child. It’s a whole lot of excitement, mixed with a little fear, and an almost unending stream of wonder. We truly are fairly amazing creatures when you get right down to it. The improbability of our means of sentient life evolving out of inorganic atoms, well… It’s pretty cool isn’t it? I’ve been trying to be as supportive of Beth as I can, but the things she’s experienced in the past 8 months are fairly inconcievable.

So meanwhile, I’ve been working hard to get the big projects done around the house that have needed to be done. It’s stuff that I like to do, and like to learn to do. It so nice, when you do most of your work with your mind, to get to work with your hands. Some other time I’ll go into the reasons there is so much work to do on the house. Right now, we’re in the midst of a huge overhaul of a bathroom that has afforded me the opportunity to learn wiring, plumbing, and replacing sections of subflooring. It’s been a daunting process, but thanks to Beth’s dad, the major structural work is done. Now there’s only finishing work remaining, but that still is the major focus of my time for the next week or so.

That should do it for now, of course, many things may or may not come out in the writing of this blog, but you never know, and heck you don’t even really know if any of this is true, do you?

Ugh. 34 weeks preggo today. Baby is getting big! (Both of us.)

I have to tell all of you guys out there, you are missing out on one of the wierdest feeling ever by not being able to be pregnant. Feeling a baby moving around inside of you, completely out of your control, is just outer limits. Now that the baby is so big, it’s no longer the cute little kicks and nudges, but downright squirming and pushing against major organs. Ouch, kinda. He really seems to have issues with my ribs.

This weblog thing is incredibly cool, but also totally daunting. Do I really have anything interesting to say? Does it matter?

That’s the beauty!

As for me, some pertinent information: I’m 26. I make my living as a freelance copywriter. I am currently 33 weeks pregnant with our first child. It’s a boy. I’m white. I have brown hair and freckles. It’s a beautiful day outside. That’s pretty much it for now.

First you get the sugar, then you get the women, then you get the power!